Community Market Day Project New Hampshire
We're vending our product on community market day.I just came down here to support the community market day.It builds community and we get to engage in commerce together.My name is brittany ping.I live here in manchester, new hampshire and i'm here at the community market day to purchase some goods and maybe barter for some things for my home.I've been coming to community market day for about a year.Year and a half maybe.I've seen it come from like a small hobbyist kind of venue to large vendor events which is really cool growth and expansion.
There's a lot of excitement around community market day and sort of where it's come from and where it's going.Anybody who has some service or anything of value is welcome here to offer it for sale, for exchange, for trade which is also cool.I'm a welder fabricator from ithica, new york and i'm trying to sell some of my goods that i create.What we're selling today, we brought handcrafted, homemade, organic, plant oilbased soap, along with our organic lip balms as well.If i came here to buy something through community market day, i would look for organic foods.Farm food.
My name's kate and i'm selling applesauce, chickens, vegetables, it's all from wild heart farmstead.Hi, i'm emily smith and i am with bardo farm we are selling our pastureraised and freerange meat.We have an offthegrid farm with 210 acres and we have been raising animals there for the past 8 years.And we also have gardens.We do maple syrup, we do emu oil.We've got honey from our beehives.We've got some glazes and spice mixes here.We've got okra, eggplant.I wrote the sriracha cookbook and the veggielover's sriracha cookbook.I brought those for sale.
I also brought some items i bought in bulk.I think we're at a really critical time right now where more people are looking for more natural ingredients and i think more people are waking up to the fact that it really matters.When you can also buy nutritive foods from people within your community, you're helping them grow their business, or you're putting a few extra dollars in their pocket for their families.One of the other really neat things about community market day is just that you can pay for things in strange ways.
Of course we accept the fiat, we accept bitcoin, we accept silver.My name's caleb.I've been here all my life.I grew up here.I didn't know that there was this community of people that traded silver.We'll also do barter and trade for it as well.I think people should come to community market day because this is what we're here for, right.As part of the free state project, is to create communities.And there's no better way to connect with who your community is.Than to engage in commerce with them.
Student Forced to Drink Own Urine in DEA Holding Cell
It's sis this is a pretty heartwarming story about the efficacy of our drug laws in this country and the efficacy of our law enforcement agencies that pursue drugs a san diego college student i got named daniel chong was a fiftyyear engineer nearing student or is it at the university l for gna on april twenty first a saturday morning daniel chong went to a house essentially i guess to get high i don't know what he was going to take he could have either been marijuana it could have been.
Idoney take marijuana he could have been taking ecstasy he could've been smoking marijuana he could've taken uh.Hallucinogenic mushrooms morals you know college weekends that we hear so much about he was in this house apparently wendy agents raided the house who were looking for and dna which of course is ecstasy i don't even know if it's still an dna they've had a play around with the uh.Composition of that drug so much in the yes twentyfive years now calls for thirty years wild twenty five years i think.
Uh.So i remember back in my college days and chong admitted to going into the house to get high with friends he was never formally arrested or charged he was gonna be held as a witness the agent sent seven suspects county jail released another person but ron was accidentally left in one of the holding cells he was accidentally left there for five days without food or water how one point during that time he started to drink his own your own nobody could dea could explain why this guy was just left there in.
Completely forgot apparently he was accidentally found when they opened up one of these a holding cells and found the guy in there he was rushed to a hospital he was kept in intensive care for two days because he was close to having uh.Close to death for having kidney failure so you just filed suit wednesday for damages suffered which i would imagine would be health and frankly his sanity hughes cuff the whole time he actually used his glasses to scrape in his arm sorry mom unbelievable unbelievable.
The Course of Recovery
I.You know, i've talked a lot about what the effects are of the looking, and how it pans out over time, from my own experience, but also from the experience that's been reported to us with some detail and clarity by actually a large number of other people.And in truth, it's probably more effective for you to hear from them than it is from me.I mean, you know, i have an agenda.My agenda is to bring this to you and cure you of the fear of life.
And actually my agenda is to bring it to all of humanity.But these folks here are folks just like you, whose lives were just like your lives, and whose approach to this work was sometimes off and on, and problematic, and tentative, and so forth, until it finally took them.So i'm going to read you one of these.I just think it's important that when we're talking about the effects, that we hear from somebody other than me.Now this particular report, actually, we just recently.The greatest majority of the time that we spend with people.
These days is online.I actually would not want to live without meetings like this, where i get to be face to face and in close proximity of people.I think i would probably not be able to continue to be very effective in this work if i limited myself to the platform that is the internet.But the internet is an extremely powerful and magnificent tool.It is because of the internet that it's actually possible for us to reach as many people as we want to reach.And we have a community of thousands all over the world,.
In some of the weirdest places.I mean, it's probably not weird for them but, you know, weird for me madagascar, and serbia, and uzbekistan, russia, israel, south africa, kenya.Brazil.Go brazil! and recently, as we.We have embarked upon a great adventure, a great project to bring this to everybody in the world.And in the course of launching this project and beginning to see the fact that it actually just might work, we called upon people to send in reports and we encouraged them to, no matter what they thought, that we were not interested in.
Cherrypicked reports of success and smooth sailing, and so forth, we were interested in the actual reports from human beings as to their experience with life in the context of the looking.And we received a number of them.And one of the things that i'll probably harp on more than once in the time remaining to us, i really, really encourage you to go to the website and go to the community center.There is a growing, vibrant and alive and enthusiastic community of people who are in this work, in this approach,.
And who are talking to each other and talking to us, and carrying out this very conversation that i see to be fundamentally important to human beings, really.This conversation.And i really encourage you to do that.I really encourage you, if you're not familiar or savvy with the internet, to learn how to use it, and go to our website, go to the community center, and see what's happening there.Because that's where you'll hear most from people about what the actual effect is in their own life.Now, this particular thing that i'm going to read,.
The person who sent this to us subsequently sent in one of the reports that we asked for, and it's present in that context as well.But this was sent to us before that.In fact, i suspect that it might have been the trigger for us specifically asking her to join us in this report.I found it just.Before i got here, i went to the forums.I said, carla, can you think of some decent report that i can find without having to look too far to show these folks.
About what other people are saying and she made a couple of suggestions and i looked at them, and didn't like them, and so i was just kind of going through them, and i came upon this.This is not a report that was solicited as a report of her experience with the looking.So, this was her spontaneous report to us, after a period of not communicating with us.I just want you to.And there's nothing spectacular here.There are no spectacular breakthroughs that we're going to hear about here,.
But what we're going to hear is an actual human being reporting their actual experience with this approach in their own life.Ltigtjust wanted to drop you guys a quick note to let you knowltigt ltigtthat i'm still looking and doing well.Ltigt ltigtone theme that seemed to come up repeatedly in recent podcasts.Ltigt we also have a lot of podcasts.Everything we do is out there.Ltigtone thing that came up repeatedly in recent podcasts isltigt ltigtpeople wanting some kind of signal that the looking has done its job,ltigt ltigtsome confirmation of having reached the end point of the process,ltigt.
Ltigtor at least confirmation that the looking is working.Ltigt ltigti was very interested in those conversations becauseltigt ltigtthat sense of completion having 'made it'ltigt ltigtused to be what i craved most strongly in doing this work.Ltigt ltigti understood quite well intellectually john's frequent responseltigt ltigtthat there is no point of completion, because life has no point of completion,ltigt ltigtbut understanding that idea didn't make the craving go away.Ltigt ltigtwell, through no particular action or process that i know of,ltigt ltigti don't have that craving anymore.Ltigt ltigtthat's not to say it won't come back,ltigt.
Ltigtbut for quite a while now, i just haven't really been thinking aboutltigt ltigtor interested in whether or not i'm done.Ltigt ltigtthat question feels, to borrow john's phrase, beside the point.Ltigt ltigti can't think of any better way to put it beside the point.Ltigt ltigti'm here, always the same and unharmed, and living my life,ltigt ltigtwhich is always changing.Ltigt ltigti spend less time now thinking about my relationship with life than i used to,ltigt ltigtbut when i do, it does seem like things have changed quite a lot.Ltigt ltigti never really got what john was talking about when he'd sayltigt.
Ltigtto look at my relationship with life in order to checkltigt ltigtfor effects of the looking,ltigt ltigtand that the closing of the gap between me and my lifeltigt ltigtwould be a sign that the looking is working.Ltigt ltigteven though i had a feeling this wasn't what john meant by that,ltigt ltigti just couldn't imagine what this closing of the gap would feel like,ltigt ltigtother than that i would like my life more,ltigt ltigtand have more pleasant feelings,ltigt ltigtall unpleasant feelings would go away, etc.Ltigt ltigtin other words, everything we think we're going to getltigt.
Ltigtfrom every other thing we've ever tried to make life right.Ltigt ltigtwell, that's not exactly where i'd say i am now,ltigt ltigtbut i do relate very strongly to something john once describedltigt ltigtas the relationship with life disappearing.Ltigt ltigti feel like that's exactly what's happened with me.Ltigt ltigtmy relationship with life, all the commentary and happening.Ltigt ltigtmy relationship with life, all the commentary and judgment,ltigt ltigtabout what's going on in my life, what's not right,ltigt ltigtwhat needs to be fixed, frustration over how hard it's going to beltigt ltigtto fix these things, despair over the sense that i won't be able to do it,ltigt.
Ltigtthose things are disappearing.Ltigt ltigtand in the fading away of that relationship,ltigt ltigti am starting to feel more at home in my own life.Ltigt ltigtthese are things i don't notice, unless i make a concerted effort.Ltigt ltigtmost of the time these days, i just do what i need to do,ltigt ltigtenjoy things i like, deal with problems as they arise,ltigt ltigtand grumble a bit, but not.Ltigt ltigtbut i don't get nearly as miserable as i used to.Ltigt ltigtit's sort of like a persistent bad taste i used to have in my mouthltigt.
Ltigtall the time is fading away.And that's wonderful.Ltigt ltigtbut i don't even notice the fading away so much,ltigt ltigtbecause i'm more interested in paying attention to the new tastesltigt ltigti'm experiencing now that they're not masked by the bad taste.Ltigt ltigtthat's not to say all anxiety and pain have departed.Ltigt ltigtbut lately, i'm kind of okay with those thing being around.Ltigt ltigtthey come when they come, and a while later they go away.Ltigt ltigtliving is good.Ltigt ltigtlove and gratitude to john and carla and all the folks in the community.Ltigt.
I couldn't say it any better than that.That's what it feels like when the results of this looking begin to manifest in your own life.That's what i mean when i say.I promised that i was going to tell you how to tell whether you are making progress or not.That's how you tell.You look at the relationship you have with your life.That's where progress shows up.It's not in the, as she points out, it's not in the balance between unpleasant and pleasant things.It's not in that at all.
It's the relationship between you and your life, which has been.And the fact that, in a sense.I've said this and probably will again.In the end, the relationship with your life disappears.You can only have a relationship with something that is distant from you, that is apart from you.So the way to monitor your progress is not by looking at all the things, and whether there is a preponderance of good things as opposed to bad things, but look at the relationship with your life.Look and see to what extent it is still the case.
That you hold life at arm's length, that you examine and interrogate every phenomenon that arises within it, to determine its nature, and its likely impact on you.That's where you look.And in the end.What the.There is no end.Life doesn't end.Life is always changing.Life is the expression of existence, the natural, spontaneous expression of existence.And it's constantly changing, morphing, moving.Now this, now that.This comes, that goes.Something else appears.But in the end, when the disease is full and finally cured, when its effects and the process of recovery is full and finally finished,.
In the end, what you're left with is the.Indistinguishability, the impossibility of finding a line where you begin and life ends, or where life begins and you end.That's the finish of it.And then, things are as they are.Problems arise.Pleasure arises.Confusion arises.None of which has ever, will ever, and does now affect you in any way whatsoever, except to attract your interest, as the taste of it, the sense of it, the density of it, the texture of it.I don't know what else to say.
These things, like the neurotic reactive behaviors that i spoke about connected with my smoking and so forth this morning, these things just vanish.Neurotic behaviors, neurotic relationships, neurotic grasping, resistance, all of those things, they just go away.And it is not uncommon for it to be some time before we notice that anything has changed at all.They just go away.Nothing spectacular and new comes to wipe away the bad and encourage the good.Things are as they have always been unpredictable, complicated, problematic sometimes, satisfying.Always satisfying.
Pleasurable other times.Always satisfying.The characteristics of my personality, as always, are constantly changing.They've always been constantly changing.And it was only by sheer force of will that i was able to freeze my personality, the things i think, into a concrete form that i could depend upon.So that i could be.Like i knew that that this was the case, and i know this is the case, i know this is the case, and anything that comes in, that is in any way conflicting with those things, then i know that i have to reject it.
And i know that i need this, and i don't need that.And i know that i want this, and i don't want that.And those all are aspects of the neurotic, reactive behaviors that characterized my entire personality for all of my life.And then, they just started to disappear.No redeemer came to wipe them out.No magic cure came to wipe them out, extinguish them, wash clean my mind.They just began to fade away, to vanish.That's what happens.Things leave.It's not the arrival of something new that this work brings,.
It's the falling away of the old, and useless, and antagonistic, and competitive and contentious, selfdestructive, reactive, neurotic behaviors.And since it's a vanishing of something, it's not the appearance of anything, often times we don't notice it.Until we do.Sooner or later, we do.But often times we don't notice that these things have departed.How would you notice it's gone you know, i know that.Another thing from my own experience much earlier on, is that i have always, or i had always throughout my life.And it's kind of a funny thing.
We have a relationship now with a group of people who are, with whom we are seeking to develop a comprehensive project plan and an organizational structure that can support the kind of communication we want to be capable of during this upcoming year.And one of these people is a man who actually.He was here at last year's retreat.And he is a psychotherapist of long standing, and until recently, was the warden of the new jersey state penitentiary, which is really kind of sweet, you know.New jersey's my home state also, by the way.
And the penitentiary, of course, is my second home.I lived in a penitentiary longer than i lived in new jersey.But david has spoken to me from time to time.All this time.I'm going to talk about this.I don't know how i get to these things, but i get myself in a trick bag, where i end up going down a road that i never intended to go down.But there you go.We have been, carla and i.We've been doing this, just carla and i.That's all, just carla and i.Mostly carla.
When it comes to the actual work that brings all of this stuff into existence, it's pretty much at least ninety percent carla.But carla.You know, i've been a part of it, too.Carla and i, for twelve years, have been doing this all by ourselves.This has been our life, and we had an understanding of what we were doing, and we had an understanding of where we thought we might want to go, although we didn't know that we would ever get there.And where we thought we might want to go was to where we are now,.
Where i actually can say 'look at yourself' with confidence and assurance that i am as close as i can get to what actually needs to be done.And with confidence and assurance that if anybody hears it, everybody who hears it, most likely will try it, whether they believe in it or don't believe in it.If i tell you, look, just get a look at what it feels like it to be you, you know, you don't have to believe anything.You don't have to take on board anything.
You don't have to pay any money.You don't have to agree to anything or disagree with anything.Just look at you.Just at you.It's my sense that anybody.If i can get that in the ears of people cleanly and directly enough, free of the baggage that triggers a reactive, defensive relationship with it, anybody who hears it will kind of automatically try it.And since i'm also completely convinced that anyone who tries it cannot fail, although i suppose it's possible to delay, and sabotage, and so forth,.
The development of its effect, anybody who tries it cannot fail.I am convinced that this is a time.David calls it 'a perfect storm,' but i think that's a little negative image, but a time when all the circumstances have come together in a confluence that for the first time ever allows for the possibility of actually bringing a message like this pretty much to the entire species.Not directly, maybe, but to a large enough portion of the species so that everybody, all humanity will hear of it, which is all i want, for them to hear of it.
So, that's the motive behind the just one look project.In the course of meeting with people and starting to look for volunteers, like financial managers, and internet wizards, and all the things that are needed to make a project like this work, david pointed out to us that i seem to be unwilling to ask for money, that i have some weird relationship with money that is antagonistic and doesn't do us any good.That's not really so much the case.The case is that when carla and i were working on this,.
We felt that.I felt, and carla felt, that there was no point, if all we were doing was saying the same words that a bucketful of other nondual and advaita vedanta teachers were saying, there was no point in us entering into competition for limited resources, when we weren't saying anything different.We wanted to say something different, but we weren't.So we were very reluctant, actually, to actively seek any money, and although we used to charge for events, we stopped doing that when it first began to dawn on us that we actually were on the right track.
And that we actually might come up with something useful to people, bcause i don't want people to have to make a financial decision in order to hear something that could actually free them from that which causes the whole sense of human life as a problem to be solved.But we've been very, very low key in our relationship with money and in our relationship with the community of people that have supported us.And pretty much our entire financial basis for twelve years has been spontaneous donations from folks like you and a lot of other people.
Who saw some value in our work.Every once in a while, we would get to the point where there was an actual kind of financial emergency, and we'd send out an email to everybody, asking for help in this emergency and that was always taken care of very quickly, without any problems whatsoever.But we did that very seldom.I was very reluctant and resistant to talking to people and trying to get more money.I didn't want to do that and part of it was because of what i saw.
About the usefulness of what we were doing.But part of it also was the fact that i have a lifelong antagonistic relationship with money.For all my life, i have never had money.I've always hated money.Really, i've always hated it.I always thought that it was an unreasonable requirement, money was, to the extent that i could articulate it.I hated money.I didn't like it.Didn't want it around me, didn't want to deal with it.I just wanted for it to go away.And david, of course, has psychoanalyzed me,.
And determined what anybody with a grain of salt could see, that i was for all of my life a very serious antisocial personality type, which is the case, you know, it's just the case.Not so much anymore, i mean, look at me now.Look at me now, ma! and he also identified this issue around money and has been very determined to try to make me see the importance of trying to get more money, because if we don't have money, we're not going to make this work.But he saw that that was an aspect of my personality,.
That kind of neurotic, reactive relationship with money.That's just to set the stage.I'm trying to demonstrate to you that all my life long i have had a hatred of money, and i have never, ever had a rational relationship with money in my life.It used to be.Because of the fact that i was like that, it used to be that financial crises although that's actually giving it a much more highfalutin name than it deserves, you know, where i ran out of money, and didn't have any bad checks to write or anybody i could steal from.
Or anything like that, and the police, and the bill collectors, and the landlord were bearing down upon me, which was not an uncommon occurrence in the old days, my strategy of choice was to depart, to vacate the premises, and go somewhere else and start all over again.And i could feel this kind of nauseous misery in my body, as money began to run out, and as i could see, my god, i don't know what i'm going to do, i'm going to.And then i'd pick up and go steal something,.
Get some bad credit cards, running bad credit cards.This was many years ago.But it happened again and again.And then, of course, i finally went to the joint, and that problem didn't bother me so much anymore.But in the time that carla have been together, we have, from time to time, and not that uncommonly, come to the same pass, except minus the bad checks and the credit cards, and the gambling, and all that stuff that used to be the means whereby i created these crises.But we'd come to the same pass.
I mean we weren't.When we first got together, we did not want to become spiritual teachers.We did not want to do this.We wanted to find a life where we could just earn a living and live our lives.And carla is an extremely accomplished translator, she is a professional translator, and i have acquired a considerable foundation of skillfulness and understanding of computer technology, and quickly picked up the whole business about the web, and writing html, doing all that stuff too, once i got out of prison.
So, we tried everything.We had sherman translations, a translations company that went nowhere, and mostly because things are changing in the whole world of translation.Things aren't as they used to be.We started a web design business called north bay webs.It was in northern california, in marin county.And this was right at the crest of the dot com boom, which means it was right at the beginning of the fall.And so that didn't go anywhere.We were encouraged by a number of people to come and do satsang,.
And we started doing that, because there didn't seem to be anything else we could do, really.And, of course, since we weren't really try to get rich or anything, the money that comes from travelling around the country doing satsang, without making an effort to promote yourself and become.You know, write books and do all that, the income from the donations at satsang is pretty meager.So we.It wasn't uncommon.It wasn't unknown to us to come up upon the same circumstance that in the past had caused.
An outbreak of neurotic, reactive, 'oh,my god, get me out of here' in me.And that just didn't happen anymore.The financial problems would come, we would find a way to solve them or get past them.And although i felt the same kind of nauseating anxiety about it, it didn't have the effect on my behavior that it used to have.It was just something that was there.It stayed for a while, and then it went.And we worked on solving our financial problems and paying our rent, and so forth, as best as we could get by.
And i remember.This leads me up.This is a very long shaggy dog story, i'm afraid, but it leads me up to another example of the way things just disappear and you don't even know that they have gone.The way things that have been so powerful that they have driven you, and driven the direction you take with your life, and driven the relationship with everything, they just vanish and you don't even know they're gone.We were living here.I guess it was.It must have been our first year here in ojai,.
And we were living downtown in a house on fulton street.Actually it must have been 2001.Some time.I think it was probably some time in the summer, or early fall, before 911.But we were broke.Couldn't pay the rent, didn't know where it was going to come from.Didn't have any idea how we were going to appease the landlord or how we were going to pay the bills that were pending or what we were going to do at all.We were just broke.No money.No prospects.
And i was standing out in the night time, looking at the sky, and it hit me that this is exactly the circumstance that had always produced in me in the past, this nauseating misery, this kind of ball of misery in my chest and throat.And it suddenly hit me, well, that's not there.Where did it go and that was the first time that i had noticed that that particular defining characteristic of my personality had just departed, had vanished, although it had been gone for some time.And that's the way this work unfolds.
That's the way the healing unfolds.Things that were previously powerful, negative, and disruptive, and distorting influences on life, that were so big and so present, and so immutable, unchangeable, unmovable just gone.Never noticed them leaving.Don't know where they went to.Just gone.That's the results.That's what happens.The things that were previously present in your consciousness as aspects of your personality, as part of the psychological apparatus of your relationship with the world, the things that are unhealthy, that are symptoms of the illness, and the fear of life itself,.
Just don't come anymore.When they're summoned, they don't come.Other things come.New ways of relating to things.New ways of seeing things.New points or view, new lights to see them in, and so forth, that are more consistent with sanity and.Intelligence.But old ones just go away.Much like the case in the course of recovery from any disease.The symptoms disappear.When the disease is cured, the symptoms disappear.It's not that some new world of wellness and health has banished the symptoms that are gone now.
It's not that something new came along to make them go away.It's just that they go.It's like when you have an infectious disease and take antibiotics.You take the antibiotics.You don't know what they're doing.I mean, really, you couldn't possibly, unless you're a molecular biologist and a chemist on top of it, be able to explicate the deep things that are going on within the body when the antibiotics are at work.The way in which they interact with the antibodies, and interact with the invading organism itself,.
What happens to them, where that goes, what happens to the tissue in the rest of the body, as the invading organism begins to pass away.You don't know anything about that.You just take the antibiotics and, as time passes, the symptoms begin to vanish.And when they're all gone, it's very difficult even to call them back to mind, what it felt like then, when i was feverish, when i was nauseous, when i was aching, shivering, full of pain, misery.And that's why i speak of the looking as medicine,.
Rather than as anything else, a teaching, or a doctrine, or something.Some understanding or some insight.Insights come that are healthy when the symptoms disappear.But the symptoms just disappear.And it is often some time before you notice that they're gone.So you look at the relationship with your life.You look and see to what extent it is still the case that you are interrogating every phenomenon that arises within your consciousness to find out what it portends for you, whether it's threatening and dangerous, or enhancing and enriching,.
Or things that are indifferent and have no interest to you whatsoever.Of course, many of those things turn out to be extremely interesting, once you've stopped ignoring them.Okay i guess that's all i have to say.Anybody want to talk to me yell at me argue with me okay.Hi, i'm mike.Hi, mike.My pleasure.Nice to meet you.Nice to meet you.Earlier today people were talking about anxiety.And to go back to back a little bit.You had some prerequisite reading.
That you would have liked me to have read, but i unfortunately downloaded the wrong one and it was a transcript of the retreat itself.So i almost read the whole thing.But towards the end of it, i actually felt like i was here.That was the book look at yourself.Yes.The one that i discourage anybody from spending their money on.I found it very entertaining.And it was very beneficial.It's a good book.But i did start looking before that, and i have experimented.
With that type of thing, but not in a simplified version.I appreciate your handson, simplified version of this, because, like everybody else i guess probably in the room, they've been chasing an outcome of some kind.Which does or doesn't come.I guess we wouldn't be here if it had already come.That's right.But i started looking.And i found myself wanting to look more.It was amazing.Like you said, it happens in a tenth of a second.There's not much to it.It's pretty incredible.
But i found myself having anxiety myself that i hadn't really noticed before, a few days after i started.And it was an unusual anxiety.And i came to the conclusion that it was an anxiety that was already always there, but that i just didn't notice.I think, and i thought this too when i was speaking to eva this morning, and i didn't want to say this because i don't want.I don't want to talk people out of the idea that they're feeling bad.I really don't want to talk people out of that.
But from own experience, i've come to conclude that which you call anxiety is actually the life force.That's what it is.Yes.And it's energetic.And it's present all the time.Yes.It's not like a neurotic anxiety that comes and goes.It's an interesting feeling, and it's gotten better.Thanks for being here.Thank you for your time.You're very welcome.I'm glad to meet you.I'm glad you brought that up.I've been thinking ever since i talked to eva, that i wanted to find a way to suggest that anxiety is the life force,.
And here it comes.See it's magic.Anybody else yeah.Hi.Hi.Do i know your name hamsa.Hamsa.Hamsa.Have i spoken to you before briefly, outside, when i was.Oh, right.Okay.I thought so.I really just wanted to come up here for this personal moment.I saw you when you were in boulder some years ago, and found it to be a profound satsang.It must have been the 'escape from the spiritual ghetto' satsang.Yes, it was a large crowd.A large crowd, yes.
And since then, i've been with another teacher pretty intensely, and during that time was listening to your recordings, maybe two years ago.And i found what you were saying to ring true to me, and heard some people's experiences along with it.But then i shared it with this teacher, and they were just.They told me to drop it.And so i did.But it still keeps coming back.It's a really beneficial tool.And just in the last couple of days, i can see how simple it is.
I'm really happy to hear that.I don't.I'm really happy to hear that, i am.I'm not in competition with anything.The truth of the matter is that if you do this, it doesn't matter what else you're doing.It really doesn't.There's nothing to watch out for, that you're going to make a mistake, and think the wrong thing or do the wrong thing, or have the wrong opinion, or anything like that.All you have to do is look.It's just you.That's all.Just you.So this is good news.Yeah.
I've spent a lot of time enjoying satsang for the vibe of the setting, but also wanting to glean some kind of understanding, and have had that strong desire for when i understand it, i'll be free.That's right, and it's not just in the satsang circuit, it's pretty much everywhere.There's an underlying sense that what we're lacking is a correct understanding.That if we really understood things, everything would be fine, and all we have to do is just that.But what i've found is that i don't need to understand anything about me.
I really don't.In fact, about me, there's very little to understand.And the purpose of this work has nothing to do with finding out what you are, or who you are, or anything of the kind.It's just the touch.Just the look.Thank you.I came with the intention of dropping this obsession with switching information or styles of looking.I think a lot of people have another style that's more complex that might hardly ever get people there.So, thank you.You're welcome.It's good to see you.Stay in touch, if you will.
i will.Okay.Somebody else was.Was it you, jade wow! good to see you again.Yes, you too.The first thing that comes to mind is that on my way i was riding my bike from town over to here.Didn't i see you was that you it must have been.I thought i saw you in my rearview mirror.I thought, that looks familiar to me.I'm driving a rented black chevy.Fake pt cruiser.I passed this church on the way, and my whole flight over.
I was sitting next to somebody who, within two minutes, she mentioned the lord and that's what we talked about for the whole flight.So i passed that church on the way, new wine, i think it's called, and i was like, that's it! that's what we're trying to do.You can't put new wine in old skins.I wish i had my notes with me.I had that on my notes and, you know, it just didn't pan out.Yes, of course it is.It's new wine in old wine skins.
That's exactly the case.And that's exactly what he was referring to.He's trying to break a paradigm, too.He had something brand new, and he isn't saying that the old wine is bad, that the old judaic religion is bad or needs to be abandoned, but just that that vernacular, that context of understanding cannot hold this new wine.The old wine skin is brittle and will burst when it comes in contact with it.That's amazing.This stuff happens all the time, too.And then, i don't have any great news, but i just thought,.
For posterity's sake, i'd just say what's going on, because later when i can call you and say, hey, i've lost the fear of life, people can see what i had to go through.Yes, okay.Of course, you could just skip to that part.I first got a look at myself, it was 2002 or 2003, i think, i was on the meditation retreat and i was thinking about my mother, during meditation and then i just went, do i have a mother and that's what made me.I was like, oh, i don't have a mother.
But i didn't have the instruction to keep.Looking there.Right.I did have the instruction to stay with the felt sense of being here, which is actually what you're saying, isn't it well, it's a little abstract.Saying that yes, because i only would do it if i was on a retreat.I say that you should look at 'me.' i call it 'you.' but you should look at 'me,' because that's the closest i can get to an unabstract pronoun that points to what it is i want you to look at.
There are many places where they talk about things, and what they're encouraging you to do may well be to look at you, but the language, the old wine skins, just can't get to that.It has nothing to do with intelligence or intention, or anything of the kind.It's just the old wine skin.It just can't get to that.So, yes, it is similar, but it's too abstract.Right.It's like 'who am i'.It's abstract.Yeah.You know but i can use that if i'm stuck in something, and i can say,.
Well, what is afraid of this and that will take me back down to the source of that, and then i can look at myself.But only because i figured out because you've already consciously looked, yes.Yes, when you used to say to me, who's looking for that i'd just be like, what are you talking about i am.But if i know what i'm doing and i use it like that, i can do that.I guess i don't know how much is a result of the looking, and how much is just a natural maturation.
Of having a spiritual path for your whole adult life, but i dropped any kind of trying to fix myself and all that, and then i got married, and so i was living with people, and i just felt like lately, in last the couple of years, it's just been like, okay, i'm still looking at myself, but i'm still, you know, i'm not done.I forget how we're supposed to say it, but you know what i mean.You're not supposed to say it in any way at all.And i have to find a way to be with these people,.
Where i'm not being homicidal inside, you know so i picked back up some old tools, like nvc, nonviolent communication, because the guy who started that completely has lost the fear of life.That's what i like about him he just has another way of talking about it.And then i go to twelvestep stuff, and i can't quite go over to a higher power because i kind of know, you know i mean, it works as a metaphor, but anyway.So, that's what i'm doing.I'm doing both.I'm looking at myself and i'm using tools for the mind to help me.
get by.Just be.Civil.And have some integrity, you know yes, and using those things can't be of any harm to you.Really, i encourage you to continue doing that.I also would like you to reflect upon the possibility that having homicidal urges toward the idiots that are around you, that really isn't a problem.It's just an internal experience.And that's all it is.It's an internal experience of wanting to kill somebody because they're so stupid, or they deserve to die, or whatever.And it's an interesting thing to see that that really is not a problem.
That it comes.I am encouraging you to continue doing what you're doing to deal with the effects of the arising of that kind of phenomenon, right but you also can reflect and see that it is just a feeling.It's just an experience, with a lot of understanding around it, where it comes from, and what it means, so forth and so on, because of all the work you've done on yourself.But it's just feeling, it's just a sensation.It has appeared, and then it disappears.There must be a lot of resistance to the sensation, or something,.
That comes up at the same time, because there's so much energy in it.Yes, of course it does.Yes, they are coupled, you know it's the whole.It's like a psychological love match, or hatelove match, the sensation of this sense of really wanting to see somebody vanish from the face of the earth because they just don't deserve to be here.Well, life would just be so much easier without mean people.Yes, it would be, wouldn't it .That i select.Well, of course.You're the only one qualified.
But it's just a sensation, that's all it is.And it really is not the problem it's a symptom of the problem, as is the resistance to it a symptom of the problem.And there are a number of techniques that can be brought into play to deal with such things as resistance, and as you're familiar with, homicidal urges, or whatever urges come, and so forth.There are a lot of techniques in play for dealing with those kinds of things.I encourage people to use them freely.I mean, why wouldn't you.
If you have a headache, take an aspirin.If you know a way to relieve some neurotic thing that is troubling you, do it, relieve it.It'll come back, but relieve it.And in the end, the time will come when it just doesn't come back anymore.Not because of the palliative effect of the other work, but because your relationship with it will be just completely changed.Your relationship with your life will be completely changed.And the set of assumptions and understandings and history and so forth that have given rise to that particular response to certain stimuli,.
They will just go away.In the meantime, take an aspirin.Really.Yes, that's kind of what i have been left with, because i don't know how long it's going to take, you know, so i don't either.The other thing is i was sitting next to this woman on the plane, and she asked me where was going, what i was doing.She had just come from a strategic planning on how to get christian.The christian message out to rock and punk festivals and stuff.There is fertile ground there.
And i was just like, just play me the music.The christian rock stuff.So you can't say, i'm not going to say to someone, oh, i'm going to look at myself.It just sounds like we're going to look in the mirror.Of course, not.It sounds ridiculous anyway.I'm not going to say i look at me, because that makes no sense.What i said was, i'm going on a retreat, a meditation retreat.And she's like, 'what are you going to be meditating on' and i said i was going to be looking at the part of me.
That never changes, that's always here.You know, the part that's the same since you were little.She said, 'i know what you're talking about.' and she goes, 'brother lawrence wrote a book about that in 1666.' who brother lawrence.She said he was a monk that was a dishwasher at the monastery and then people started to notice that he was exuding joy and love and so people started to come to him and they transcribed what he was talking about.I can't remember the name of the book.
The practice of the presence of god.Yes, he called it 'looking at the presence of god.' and, you know, that's fine with me.If i were talking to someone who had god as their understanding of what is reality, then i would just say, i practice looking at the presence of god.You can do that, as long as you're not doing it in order to communicate anything useful to the person.I mean, really.And i'm not disparaging that.That's what they understand as their internal.As long as you don't think you're communicating.
Something useful, that's fine.And i don't mean that sarcastically.I mean that sincerely.We have to be, you know part of the natural state of human existence is consideration for others.Just plain and simple consideration for others.And when we are neurotic and antagonistic, we are much more likely to say something like, well, i'm looking at myself.Precisely because of the fact that it will cause confusion and some difficulty with the person you're talking to.But it's naturally human to be considerate of others, and to be considerate of the circumstance and the context in which.
Your interaction with people is taking place.And i think to say that you're looking at the presence of god is perfectly okay, as long as you're not trying to give them something that is going to actually help them.That's fine.I don't mean that.You see, i don't mean.When i say, as long as you're not trying to do something that will help them, i'm not saying that it's bad to not be doing something to try to help them, i'm just saying, don't confuse yourself into thinking that.
That will lead them to what you are actually doing.She got it when i said what i was actually looking at.Right.But the thing is, because i'm not.I just feel like.Because you said it directly.Yes.Yes.I'm just saying, until my fear of life is gone, i don't really talk about it to anybody because, what do i have to show for it right.No.You could be like me, you know that's right.Aha, how do you like them apples.
I'll tell you something else, jade.If you will start going to the forums just to read them, you'll find a place where that kind of conversation is taking place in an environment that is open to anything that is said and that sees it within the context of this work.And that can be quite helpful.We're not in this alone.We're all in this together.And just having that kind of access to a community of people who are in the same activity as you are can be helpful.
And helpful in a lot of ways.Just going to dinner last night was helpful.Just to be able to finally, we all know what we're talking about.Right.Exactly.So do that, go read the.I did read all the.Reports yes.It seems like half the people were done with the fear of life, and half were just reporting how they've done so far.Yes, which is great.That's what i mean when we're not looking for cherrypicked reports.We're looking for actual human experience.
Of what's happening in their lives.And then, just the other thing.The thing that struck me.One of the things is that where i am right now, i can't really say this is the only thing.It's the only thing that works for me that i seem to consistently stick to.But, you know, just the other night at a 12step meeting, there was this guy talking, whose daughter had been killed horribly, and he pretty much said exactly what you just said.He's like, 'pain comes, and then it goes,.
And i'm still here, and it's just a feeling, and i'm fine.' because for him, it's about a connection with a higher power.It's about not living life by the force of his willpower.And i see people like that, who get there other ways, like a friend who worked in a hospice for years, and she's like, 'i'm not afraid.I'm not afraid of death, i'm not afraid of life.' i just think there are probably other ways, it's just that this is the way for me.Here's what i think about that.
I think there are other ways.But i think that they are not.I think there are other ways within the spiritual teachings also, most notably within the rubric of selfinquiry.But also other kinds of things people do within the spiritual adventure.But the thing is that those other ways are ways that worked in an extremely idiosyncratic manner.It just so happens that there is a certain character type that will hear something that other character types won't hear.And within that population of character types, within that population, maybe one of them will accidentally.
Stumble onto what is actually being called for in the spiritual suggestions.And stumble onto the natural state.And it's also possible that people can stumble onto the natural state outside of the spiritual realm.That i have never argued with.The only thing about all of that that i.That i think is really useful to see is that very few have stumbled onto the natural state as a result of following any path whatsoever, very few.And that's not like.I didn't just pull that out of my ear, right.
You can just look around and see how meager are the number of people who are naturally absent of the fear of life.Look at the world.Seven billion of us.Look at it.And it's the same with the progression of the spiritual teachings, the wisdom teachings, over the five thousand years that they have been a part of our lives.Obviously, during that period of time, there have been a number of people following a spiritual path of one kind or another, who have stumbled on the natural state.
Sometimes it happens even without following a spiritual path, as in the case of ramana.He wasn't following a spiritual path.He stumbled on the natural state in response to the rising of a neurotic fear of death, and his response to that.So, it's not that this is the only thing that can possibly bring somebody to the natural state of being human, it's just that this is the only thing that can be counted upon to do that with, so far as i can tell, at least the vast majority of humanity.
I'll tell you what i think the difference is between what you're saying and other people who say almost the same thing.My yoga teacher, that i found in minneapolis, a iyengar yoga teacher, he puts us in a pose where we don't have to do anything.We can just lie there, or sit there, and then he starts saying, he really literally says, 'look at yourself.' look at not what you normally take to be yourself, not all your thoughts, but what it is that's looking at the thoughts.Then i'll start looking there.And he'll do that for two hours.
It's totally the same thing.Might be he has a different background, a different vocabulary, but the difference is that he's not making a point about it.People are going there to do headstand.Right.So they don't know what they're going for.So the difference to me is that you're saying, look, this will do this for you.And these are all the promises and that to me is what's different.One of the big things.It's.Yes, right, i think you're right.When you're speaking about a small group of expressions that basically.
Are suggesting the same thing, i think you're right.It has to do with the fact that i'm out there trying to get people to do it.I mean, granted there were only two people in the class, even though he's one of the best teachers in the country, because people don't want to hear it.Just give me a minute, okay sometimes it slips my mind.My socalled mind.It's the intention.It's the intention that's different.The intention, i mean.Even if you are trying to get out there and tell people.
To do this, to lay down and look at yourself, and so forth.To me what has seemed consistently different that i haven't seen anywhere else, is the insistence that there is an intention involved here, that when you turn your attention to look at yourself, because i am encouraging you to do so, it's not in order that you will get relaxed and comfortable.It's not in order that anything at all in particular will happen.There is nothing to it except the act of looking.And it's you, it's the personal pronoun 'you.'.
It's the person 'you.' it's not anything else, it's just you.And that intention, that specificity, i think, is a big difference.And i think the intention makes all the difference.And i've said that a lot, and people who have been through this have said that a lot, it's the intention that's different.The intention to look rather than the intention to look so you can be free from the misery of life well, yes, exactly.Yes.Isn't that why people do it, though, so that they can well, sure, but that's why people get high, too.
And it works for a while, right no, really, i'm serious.That's why people get high.That's why people go skiing.That's why people engage in all those activities.Everything people do is done in an attempt to ease the burden of being human, you know, everything.The things that are done that are not directly associated with that are seen to be drudgery, and things that need to be done with, like going to work every day, or washing the dishes.They seem to be drudgery when, in truth, they're not.
They're actually quite magnificent things.So, yes, right, that's why people do it all.And that desire to feel better.There is nothing wrong with the desire to feel better.It's the desire to feel better that has brought people to me.Nothing wrong with that desire.But that desire is entirely settled on the way the life is.In other words, it's entirely a matter of ending my resistance to things that i shouldn't resist, ending my grasping of things that i shouldn't grasp, ending my ignorance of my own nature.In other words, reforming the mind.
And that doesn't work.I could tell you to look at yourself, and if i tell you, if you look at yourself, then your mind will get clear, and everything will be okay, that wouldn't work.It really wouldn't.It wouldn't work.It wouldn't make me look at myself, you mean it might or might not make you try to look at yourself, but.I don't think it would.I don't think it would allow you to actually have the direct experience of the simplicity of your nature.You know, you are too.Not you, but one is too.
And not intentionally in any way whatsoever.But just too seated in the sense that it's life that's the problem.It's the way i'm living my life, it's the way life is coming to me, the way it's experienced by me.It's all about the life being the problem, which, of course, is a direct consequence of the underlying primary cause of it all, which is the fear of life itself.That's maybe related to something else i was just going to clarify.I don't know if david was talking about this or not,.
But when i look at myself, i see that i've never been hurt.I want to say that part of me, because that is what it feels like.It's like there's a part of me that's never been hurt.It feels that way because you have to focus into a particular area.I'm just checking to see if this is what you were talking about this morning, but unfortunately, just seeing that doesn't mean that now i'm not afraid, because i see that i don't that's right.That's right.That's exactly what i was saying this morning.
You know, it is the case.And when i say 'look at yourself,' and i describe you as that which has never been touched, or moved or changed, or done anything or had anything done to it, it's not in order to.It's okay.But it's not in order to bring you to a place where you'll feel better about your life.It's in order to describe what it is i want you to touch with your attention.And you're right.That's exactly right.And then, just to distinguish.There's looking at yourself and then, i think on the first day,.
Or the first morning, you were talking about the feeling inside, i like the word 'felt sense.' there's a sensation that you can actually feel.Putting my attention on that, is that different from looking at myself didn't i say that as part of the description of you there is a feeling tone, a sensation that you can actually feel.Wasn't i saying that's what you feel like i just know when i say to myself, if i'm going to look at myself, i see my bracelet, and it reminds me to look at myself,.
Then it's more like i have pupils on the back of my eyes.Oh, yes.That's common, too.Yes.But if i say, what does it feel like to be here or to be myself, then it's more, it's lower in my body, it almost seems like.Yes, just like mark.A guy who has had an extremely difficult life.Extremely difficult life.And has had some very extreme.He wrote about this in his report.He has had some very extreme things happen to him.He was manicdepressive, bipolar, and it was so bad.
That they ended up giving him ect, electroconvulsive therapy, which really shocked me.I thought that was back in the dark ages, but it turns out that apparently that therapy can be the only thing that actually will work in a severely afflicted manicdepressive.And that it actually works pretty well on most.It didn't work for him.And that's a very rare thing, for it not to work.Didn't work for him.It made it worse.And that's the way he describes the way in which he finally was able to look at himself.
He turned his eyes inside out so that the pupils were facing backwards.And he's thriving now.He's doing well.Cool.And there's one other thing i want to mention is that there's this book that i read a year ago called 'the brain that changes itself,' by norman doidge.It's all this research from the ten most cuttingedge neuroscientists now.And it's hard to imagine anyone reading that book and still being able to believe that anything you can see or touch or feel or sense is where it's at.Yes, right.
because it's all just made up.Mechanical.All made up, well, biological.That's right.Well, biology is mechanical.Mechanical doesn't mean but it's all mechanical.It's a mechanical process.It's part of the whole cause and effect business in the way that sensation is experienced and acquired by different neuron places and so forth and so on.I have a very insignificant sense of what's happening in the realm of brain science.You know, it's interesting, too.I had somebody send me a clip, a youtube clip.
I think it was youtube, one of them.Youtube or blip or something.A clip of a brain scientist.And i hope i can do this justice.He is very soft, and smart, and full of life, and at peace, and calm, and clearly the fear of life is absent from him, clearly.But what he suggests that people do.And i can't quite remember it.But it's just not quite it.It's still within that realm of doing something to make the way i live my life different than it is.
A direct movement of trying to see life differently than i see it now.But it would.God, i wish i hadn't brought it up now, because it's really quite a beautiful thing.I'll talk about it again tomorrow.I'll look at it and bring it back to our attention tomorrow.And the interesting thing about it is that i see it, and i see that what he's talking about is exactly what i'm talking about.But he really doesn't offer any access to that in the things that he suggests,.
In the way that he suggests going about it, which is pretty much the norm with but it's interesting that he figured it out.It's like a process of elimination.When he realized what's going on with the brain, if there is a brain.Okay, thank you.It's a pleasure, jade.Did you know that freud was of the opinion that it was the birth trauma.Oh, god.But freud lived in austria where they have these horrible, traumatic births.Are you aware that.He didn't live in brazil, where they just squat,.
And they just come out, and they put them on their chest.But i told you about my daughter's birth.Underwater, no trauma.I know, i know.And maybe there wasn't any.How do i know there are human beings who are not afflicted.There are human beings who are not afflicted.But freud was studying horrible i just say that to say.He's not the only one.There are a number of philosophical opinions about it.I had no idea that anybody ever thought about this before,.
Until i hit upon it myself in the course of doing this work.But there's a whole philosophical subsection, almost, about the origins of the fear of life, and signal anxiety, and all of those things.And it's a controversial matter.I can't wait.It's not settled.When i'm done with the fear of life, that's going to be my life's work.I'm not asking you to wait at all.I'm just defending myself to you.I'm telling you i'm going to be working with small.I already like work with mothers, trying to get them.
To respect their babies as humans, but i'm going to be and to avoid homicidal urges.I don't really do it that much.I have the training and i don't i'm not suggesting anything.Once i stop hating women who drop their 2weekolds off in gym nurseries, i will be doing that.And we'll see what happens with babies who don't get that put in them from the beginning.I'd be interested in seeing that.I know that there are human beings who are not afflicted.But they are few and far between, really.
And most of them, i suspect, don't make their presence known, because being in a community of people who are steeped in misery causes misery.It's not neurotic misery anymore, it's just discomfort, right so, they are few and far between.It's like in some cold places in europe.You can't be happy because it pisses people off.We're all freezing and miserable, how can you be happy and you have to not smile that's right.It's nice to spend time with you.It's nice to spend time with you.Give my love to.
giles and lakshmi.Giles and lakshmi.I knew that, but thank you for helping me.Yes.That was nice.I enjoyed that.See that's what i mean.This is the conversation we need to be having as human beings.Not a conversation about what's our next therapeutic measure, or when are we going to go get laid, or when are we going to go get drunk, or when am i going to get rich, or when will the dirty, stinking capitalists go away, but this kind of conversation, about what it is to be human.
hi.Hi.How are you esther pat.Pat.Pat.That's about as far from esther as you can get.Hi, pat.Hi, john.Just a little reminder that we've met several times before.I know that.I recognize your face.And your body, and everything.It's just that the name sometimes eludes me.It's from ashland, and it's from retreats in ashland.Pat righter.Pat righter.That's it, yes.No wonder i was confused.I could see you very clearly but i haven't seen you for a long time.
It feels just wonderful to be with you again.I'm happy to hear that.And carla, too.I just want to say that for me, you as a teacher in the advaita strain, i always respected so much that you were very ordinary.Organized ordinary.Ordinary.Oh, right, ordinary.And simple.And clear about talking about the truth in satsang, and also very extraordinary.So, something about you right now.It's like you've taken a new direction, but that quality of simplicity, and going for the truth, and the ordinariness of it, still touches my heart.
Well, i'm happy to hear that.It seems i've gone in a new direction, but what has really happened is that i've finally found what it was i was looking for, which is a way to express what i see to be the case.And that's what i was trying to do in all those satsang meetings.And just wasn't able to and wanted to be as human as possible with everybody i was around.Because we're in this together.So, i haven't been participating in retreats or meditation or all of those things i immersed myself in for probably.
A good tenyear period, in the last four years.That's a good sign.For the last four years, i've just been living my life.That's good.That's good.So, i'm surprised to be here.A friend gave me your book, shanti gave me your book, and i read it and i got the gist that you were on a new trajectory, but i think when i arrived, i was still in a state of shock.A state of what a state of shock.Because i had only known you from the ancient wisdom teachings.
Right.Yes.I think that i'm trying still to kind of work it out.I notice that my mind is trying to see the thread of truth that runs through this trajectory and the thread of truth that i remember from advaita.And so i did a little experiment, because i thought that inquiry, to ask, who am i i couldn't see the difference between 'who am i' and looking for the 'me.' are you able, by asking the question 'who am i' to get at a direct experience of what it actually feels like to be you.
well, you know which is very fleeting.I thought i did, until you presented it, and during this workshop, i've actually stopped and i've done the experiment.So the experiment of inquiry, which leaves me empty, like no thing.Right.Just throws me back into nothing, which i have valued.Yes, yes.And then i've tried the suggestion of looking for the 'me', or looking at myself, and it's a very different quality.Yes, it is a very different quality.And so, i'm a little shocked at that.
good.That's good.Yes, a little shocked at that.And wondering how, in the advaita tradition, when we were looking, and suggested that we look for that which never changes, then that feels to me like the same thing as looking at the 'me.' it seems to me that any abstraction.It's true that i tell you, or i tell people when i encourage them to look for what it feels like to be the actual person, i point out to them that what they're looking for doesn't change,.
It is still now as it has always been, it's never been hurt or helped by anything, but i'm not asking them to look for that.I'm asking them to look for the person that they are, the person that underlies it all, and then describing that person.If i say, 'look for that which never comes and goes, that which is always the same, that which doesn't move and so on,' then the only thing that happens there is that the inquiry gets hijacked by my understanding.What is it that never moves.
What is it that is unchanging what is it that doesn't come or go well, it's self, or it's consciousness.Or it's awareness.And the conversation may not complete itself like that, but that's just the context in which that naturally ends up.But when you start with me, you can't get from me to advaita vedanta, to the understandings of advaita vedanta.It's the personal pronoun.And i tell you that it was ramana who himself got kind of hijacked by spiritual understanding.He steeped himself in that.I heard you say that.
But it was ramana from whom i first heard that idea.And when i first heard it, it shocked me.The idea of ramana, in his report of what happened to him when he pretended to be dead in his report he says, 'all that remains is the force of personality.' that's quite something to say that.That's quite something, isn't it and that's the hint that i followed to get here, sitting here with you.I appreciate your telling me this, although you've said this a few times,.
But i think i've just heard it that it is a personal me.Yes, right.Yes.That's the difference.And that's the critical difference.I'm convinced of it.I have some memories of myself as a child, and they are so direct, and so pure, a child that was just golden and openhearted, and just so connected in my heart.And i have been trying that on to help me remember.And when you remember an event from your childhood, just for a second, see if you can remember what it felt like to be you.
You'll instantly see that it's exactly that it feels like to be you now.I'll play with that.Okay.Thank you, john.I'm so happy you came.You really snagged me when you told me you had a vision to influence humanity.That's a pretty outrageous thing to approach.But the time is now.It's now or never.It seems really clear.Yes, for me too.I'm so happy you came.Give my love to shanti and everybody up there.I will.Joanie, as i was leaving, sent me an email, she said,.
tell john i love him.Same back.Okay.Thank you, pat.I guess we have time for another one.If there is another one to be had.Helen you look like you want to box or something.Do you want to box i just wanted to test out walking up because.It still moves me.But i can stand, and i'm not cringing inside.That's my report.That's a perfect report.I love you.I'm really happy you're here in this adventure with us.And i'm very happy that you.
I would never go by air from here to australia.I just can't imagine a less pleasant way to spend.Twelve or thirteen hours something like that but i'm very happy that you came.Happy to see you and kieth here.And kieth looks good, and i don't mean fat.But you know.You have made my life easier in so many ways.And one of them is that you are in alignment with kieth.Well, you're welcome, kieth.Just to stand and talk.That thing of finally accepting that i was looking at me,.
As something that didn't have to be denied, as in all those spiritual things.Yes, right.That was ego, it was the bad thing.Yes.And that gave me so much courage.It's how it's been.It's gone now.Ego just means 'i.' yes.That's all it means.We don't worry about ego here.Okay thank you, helen.Thank you.Did you have something hi.Mark.Mark engels.That's the one.From victoria.Yes.Jumped on a plane.Yes.
ray and diane send their love.On a rainy day.Well, my, my, my.I've been exploring the depths of life.This is probably the third time in the last twenty years.This is deeper than i've gone before.About a year and half ago, i had tjhe pleasure of experiencing vipassana.A tenday retreat.Silent.Ten and a half hours of meditation.I know.The best vegetarian food i've ever eaten.It was great.This time around, however.I didn't really know what to try.I have done a great deal of practices.Neurofeedback.
I did that for about 14 straight days.I think it made me even more neurotic, actually.Just thinking about getting up and being there at nine in the morning.The smells of the house, the dogs barking at me.I also started a regimen of 3 times a week acupuncture, trying to relax.I saw a , of course, who declared me clinically depressed, and gave me some pills, which i avoided for about three days, thinking i would use something natural, which kind of worked, but didn't.I finally gave in, i said,.
You know, whatever i have to do, i'm going to do.My friend ray introduced me to your looking.He did it in the most subtle way, because for 5 years i didn't hear it.And it was only this summer that i started to listen, and then he sent me a link to your site.He sent me a link to mooji and you.Yours resonated with me and i started practicing the looking 10 days ago.I decided to come up here and talk because you were talking about a person named mark.I listened to that podcast.
And i forgot his name was mark.I found it fascinating that he had the ect.I have a friend who went through ect, and actually, they stopped ect on her after about 2 years of 3 times a week.It wasn't working.They probably succeeded in turning her brain into mush, but that's about as far as it got with that.He talked about, and i thought it came from you, but you said that it came from him, that he experienced looking as though he were turning his eyes inside out.
It is.Yes.That was one of the first experiences i had, so i just thought i'd mention that.I'm three and a half hours by plane from here.After ten and a half hours of excruciating airports and planes, airport food all day.I'm diabetic.It wasn't the greatest day.My response reaction to most of that day was something my wife of 35 years would have probably looked at me and said, what's the matter with you what are you on and i would have only been able to say,.
Something's different.It's a good thing.It's a good thing, and i have to thank you for it.And it's a good reference point from where you see me now.And hopefully you'll see something later, or an email, and i'll be able to describe something different.But i am feeling a little better.That's it.Thank you.It's a pleasure to have you here, mark.You're going to be okay.That's what they all say.Thank you.But you already know that.I sort of do.
yes, you do.Yeah.Stay in touch.It takes a little while.I will.Stay in touch.Thanks.I guess we're going to wrap it up now and get some rest.I don't have anything in particular to say.This afternoon has been one wonderful conversation after another.This is the conversation that human beings need to be having.A conversation about what it is to be human.And what can be done to be free of that which makes us feel that being human sucks so bad.
Because it is that sense that human life sucks so bad that is the cause of everything that's happening in the world now.It's the cause of war, rape, murder, deceitfulness, greed, lust.All of that comes from the fear of life.And it will depart when the fear of life departs from humankind.I can't tell you really how grateful i am that you're here, and that you're in this conversation with me, and with the rest us who are in this remarkable adventure that has somehow appeared.I mean, it's just.
Carla and i are endlessly surprised by.Well.Thank you.Thank you.I love you all.I'll see you in the morning.Please get a good night's rest if you can.It may be difficult, you never know.This is such a departure, and so unexpected, and so not what anybody would think of doing, and it has such a powerful effect over time, that it could cause some anxiety and confusion, and so forth.But that will pass.If it appears.You can be sure of one thing if it comes, it will go.
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